As a teenager I used to believe that if I found true love and got swept off my feet falling in love, I would be the happiest. Because what would make one happier than loving and being loved, right? I think you too might have believed the same or maybe you still do. Either the way, hear me out.
We are created with minds and hearts, both very strong and capable of leading us through life: living, loving, building, creating and achieving but moreover – making choices. We are gifted with our hearts for their great ability to love but usually we forget how strong and capable our minds are especially when we are in love.
Mostly when you love, you forget about your mind and you let your heart take the lead. But here is the thing, you weren’t created with both so that you would only use one, right? Love is the most unique human feeling, and it’s so sophisticated and complicated that only something as strong as the heart can handle it. However, decisions made by our heart aren’t always and ultimately what’s right and suitable for us. They usually go too far loving and they forget about everything else. For that the mind comes in need.
I think we can all say that most of us who would label themselves as “Madly In Love” would agree that the heart is taking the lead while the mind is involved a little bit. In that kind of love, sometimes the happiness we feel is just an illusion and only few times it’s real. And I am ready to bet that those whose happiness is real don’t just use their heart in their relationships, they use their mind too. Each one of us uses their mind with different percentage when in a relationship. In fact, how much we use our mind goes directly proportional with increasing our level of happiness. However, when you only use your heart there’s quite a big risk to end up with a heart break or a life that revolves around the person you love and believe me, – that’s trouble! You would never want to lose yourself loving someone so that when they leave, it hurts so much that you would want to die. Because yes, madly in love brings this kind of suffering, and only your mind can help prevent your suffering. Hence, in this “Madly In Love”, your mind is taking a long nap.
So how can we be deeply in love and have a balanced, happy and healthy relationship without taking the risk of having a heart break? How can we be committed, faithful, devoted and giving without losing ourselves in the process of love?
Here comes “Mindfulness In Love”. Madly in love brings you a feeling of enchantment, magic and bliss but it’s temporary like drugs. However, being mindfully in love would create just the right balance you need in your life. It creates a long lasting happiness and contentment with your life. When you love mindfully, you would know what to let into your system and what not. You would know how to give and how to receive love without getting too far loving. You would know your partner’s rights, your rights, which compromises are okay to make and which are not. You would know that your life has all other aspects other than your love life: it has yourself whom you should love ultimately, it has your career that you should invest time and energy into so you would reap the goods later, and it has your family and friends who are a huge support system and a huge source of love and happiness and who also need a quite big chunk of your love energy. But most importantly, it has you living as a whole human being who is all happy by himself/herself, capable of leading a beautiful balanced life.
“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what’s going on deepens and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love. “- Thick Nhat Hanh
I invite you all to start analyzing your relationships and ask yourself: Am I loving mindfully? Does my relationship allow me to have a balanced life? Do I give attention and invest energy in all my life aspects equally? Does my world revolve around someone and only that someone? No matter what your answer is, I believe that if you are conscious enough you would know that mindfulness is definitely something you either need to integrate in your life or need to keep increasing throughout your life.
For me, meditation is a great way to increase mindfulness and thus have a balanced, mindful love life or so I try. You can try for yourself and see how it helps increasing your awareness, mindfulness and consciousness. Then, you can decide what’s best for you. Although I am sure that if we compare our life to a pyramid, we would never want to build the pyramid’s base out of one stone only, our love life, would we?
Photo credits: Captured by Caity Photography https://capturedbycaity.wordpress.com