Mindfully In Love Or Madly In Love, Which One Do You Pick?

As a teenager I used to believe that if I found true love and got swept off my feet falling in love, I would be the happiest. Because what would make one happier than loving and being loved, right? I think you too might have believed the same or maybe you still do. Either the way, hear me out.

We are created with minds and hearts, both very strong and capable of leading us through life: living, loving, building, creating and achieving but moreover – making choices. We are gifted with our hearts for their great ability to love but usually we forget how strong and capable our minds are especially when we are in love.

Mostly when you love, you forget about your mind and you let your heart take the lead. But here is the thing, you weren’t created with both so that you would only use one, right? Love is the most unique human feeling, and it’s so sophisticated and complicated that only something as strong as the heart can handle it. However, decisions made by our heart aren’t always and ultimately what’s right and suitable for us. They usually go too far loving and they forget about everything else. For that the mind comes in need.

I think we can all say that most of us who would label themselves as “Madly In Love” would agree that the heart is taking the lead while the mind is involved a little bit. In that kind of love, sometimes the happiness we feel is just an illusion and only few times it’s real. And I am ready to bet that those whose happiness is real don’t just use their heart in their relationships, they use their mind too. Each one of us uses their mind with different percentage when in a relationship. In fact, how much we use our mind goes directly proportional with increasing our level of happiness. However, when you only use your heart there’s quite a big risk to end up with a heart break or a life that revolves around the person you love and believe me, – that’s trouble! You would never want to lose yourself loving someone so that when they leave, it hurts so much that you would want to die. Because yes, madly in love brings this kind of suffering, and only your mind can help prevent your suffering. Hence, in this “Madly In Love”, your mind is taking a long nap.

So how can we be deeply in love and have a balanced, happy and healthy relationship without taking the risk of having a heart break? How can we be committed, faithful, devoted and giving without losing ourselves in the process of love?

Here comes “Mindfulness In Love”. Madly in love brings you a feeling of enchantment, magic and bliss but it’s temporary like drugs. However, being mindfully in love would create just the right balance you need in your life. It creates a long lasting happiness and contentment with your life. When you love mindfully, you would know what to let into your system and what not. You would know how to give and how to receive love without getting too far loving. You would know your partner’s rights, your rights, which compromises are okay to make and which are not. You would know that your life has all other aspects other than your love life: it has yourself whom you should love ultimately, it has your career that you should invest time and energy into so you would reap the goods later, and it has your family and friends who are a huge support system and a huge source of love and happiness and who also need a quite big chunk of your love energy. But most importantly, it has you living as a whole human being who is all happy by himself/herself, capable of leading a beautiful balanced life.

“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what’s going on deepens and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love. “- Thick Nhat Hanh

I invite you all to start analyzing your relationships and ask yourself: Am I loving mindfully? Does my relationship allow me to have a balanced life? Do I give attention and invest energy in all my life aspects equally? Does my world revolve around someone and only that someone? No matter what your answer is, I believe that if you are conscious enough you would know that mindfulness is definitely something you either need to integrate in your life or need to keep increasing throughout your life.

For me, meditation is a great way to increase mindfulness and thus have a balanced, mindful love life or so I try. You can try for yourself and see how it helps increasing your awareness, mindfulness and consciousness. Then, you can decide what’s best for you. Although I am sure that if we compare our life to a pyramid, we would never want to build the pyramid’s base out of one stone only, our love life, would we?

Photo credits: Captured by Caity Photography https://capturedbycaity.wordpress.com

A Recipe For A Healthy Relationship: Do You Have The Right Ingredients?

On mindfulness and consciousness as a solid way to achieve healthy relationships.

Lately, the word “Healthy” is becoming trendy. Every day you find people on Facebook and Instagram posting photos of their healthy meals or writing posts that show affection to their partners or friends or family. I am sure you too have bumped a lot into these hashtags: #healthydiet, #healthyrelationships, #healthylifestyle or #relationshipgoals etc. But are our relationships and food as healthy as the hashtags?  Do we really know how to maintain them?

This brings me to the concept of a “A Healthy Diet”. In fact, it is quite easy to follow one and achieve the expected results once you know the right recipe. Not that healthy relationships are not achievable – it’s just that human relationships can be much more complicated than that, and not everyone knows where to start and what to do. 

So what is a healthy relationship? This is actually a question with a very broad answer. I believe, no one can define it ultimately, but this is what I find  describing it the best: “A healthy relationship keeps the doors and the windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in these environments. Keep your doors and windows open and always have compassion. If the person you love is meant to be in your life, all the windows and the doors in the world will not make them leave. Trust that truth.” – Unknown

But still very broad, huh?  So now let me introduce you to what I call “A Recipe for a Healthy Relationship”.

INGREDIENTS:

Love yourself Cultivate an acceptance of who you are and what you feel impassioned to do. Grow that acceptance of yourself to be strong, that it can’t be hindered by anything or anyone else, including your ego.

“Loving yourself isn’t Vanity, it is Sanity” – Katrina Mayer

→ Be Aware Understand and be conscious of your needs and what you  expect from your loved ones. Understanding the human nature and how our minds work is the key to it.

Find Your Inner Peace Create peace within yourself first, let it spread out from you. The best part is that peace is already within you, waiting for you to just let it do its work. Meditate at least 15 mins per day and let silence and stillness take you to the center of yourself and the core of life.

“Self-care is so important, when you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You can not serve from an empty vessel.”- Eleanor Brownn

→ Love Mindfully You never want to go so far loving someone to an extent that it hurts, you never want to have an imbalanced love life either. No matter how good person your loved one is, you have to always love mindfully. Mindfulness help you focus your energy equally on all aspects of your life which creates balance at the end and thus happiness and fulfilment.

DIRECTIONS:

Mix the ingredients and use it as a base, – a strong base to rely on – and re-enhance whenever possible. From there, you get on to the first step of the recipe:

1. Love truly and put all your effort into your relationships.  You never regret the effort you put, it’s the currency of relationships. But remember, true love comes with responsibilities, you have to accept your loved ones as they are. With all their flaws and weak points and messiness. You have to accept them and bring your patience, understanding and energy to help them transform into a better version of themselves. This kind of love brings protection and safety.

2. Respect your partner. It’s not about winning or losing, but love and respect. Always respect in every way possible. Respect is not a reflection of their character but of yours.

3. Appreciate little things, never take your loved ones for granted for that love dies slowly. Appreciate the laughs, the presence, the love they surround you with and the memories you make with them. Hold it close to your heart and remember that nothing stays forever.

4. Be Grateful, say thank you more often. Give them your attention, your care, your time and your presence. There’s no greater gift.

5. Communicate with your loved ones. Opening heart-to-heart talks are very essential for a healthy relationship. Speak your mind and be true to them and yourself. Elaborate and ask for what you need, maybe they just don’t know, maybe they would give you the world if they knew.

6. Evaluate your relationship every now and then. Write down what needs improvement, what are your expectations and your needs if they changed along the last period. Ask your partner about theirs and discuss them thoroughly. Write down a plan in bullet points, go crazy with it! Fail and forget the plan and then go back to it again. Don’t worry as long as you are conscious enough that you will get back to the plan and DO IT.

7. Support your loved ones through their journey, respect their dreams and moreover help to reach them. Be patient with them through their tough times and hold their hands whenever needed. Make them feel safe and cherished every second of every day.

NUTRITION FACTS:

Per relationship: 100% Balance, 100% Happiness, 100% Understanding, 100% Fulfilment, 100% Love.

And Voila,  it’s literally ” SERVED WITH LOVE” .

Photo credits: https://www.thespruce.com/origami-puffy-heart-instructions-2540707