The dynamics of a meaningful relationship are rarely easy to portray. Each of us has a unique understanding of what a relationship means. Be it with friends, partners or even work colleagues, we spend time trying to find the appropriate person who can tick all the items on our wish list. What if what we expect from people could actually become what we offer? What would become possible if we were to give to others what we await from them?
Regular meditation comes with flickers of who we could become, provided that we choose that change for ourselves. Meditation offered three valuable lessons on harvesting meaningful relationshionships. Here they are:
1. Be grateful for whomever you cross paths with
Has it ever happened to you to meet people and while not appreciating them right from the start, to come to understand that they were actual gifts in disguise? Relationships are not meaningful because they bear some sort of intrinsic magic. They are meaningful because each person who enters our lives is carrier of a story, a story needing to be heard.
As a beginner, many of us start meditating with many expectations. And we tend to continue our practice by “digging after experiences”, either feeling or seeing something meaningul during the meditation session. “Oh, I felt I was flying” or “I saw electric blue for a moment there”. Same happens with people. We are trying hard to reveal what could make someone become an important person in our lives. After a while, meditation sessions become stable and nothing much is happening; only an immersion into calm and stillness. Just like human relationships. Fireworks and sparkles are rarely basis for creating meaningful relationships. A steady, continous pace of common understanding and appreciation of small, quotidian moments leads more often to meaninfgul relationships.
2. What you see in others is who you are
Do you have friends who can’t stop complaining? What about work colleagues who always interrupt you when you are talking? We tend to notice in others something that reminds us of ourselves. Throughout the day, just like during the meditation session, what needs attention comes to haunt us in the form of thoughts. What will you do about the things that occupy space in your consciousness?
Meaningful relationships start with a willingness for sincerity and openess; both on a personal and interpersonal level. Allow yourself to firstly see what you notice about yourself and others on a regular basis. A mindset that is more prone to reveal the negative in both the self and others, will also create relationships that are based on lack, fear and pointing fingers. Take responsability for your own perspective to design a meaningful relationship. Share what you think and how you feel, even the uncomfortable aspects, in a way that is constructive and empowering both for you and those around you.
3. What worked once might or might not work twice
Each meditation session is a unique path, just as every relationship is one-of-a-kind. Trying to recreate an experience that happened, will only bring a fade image of what it really was. When you practise meditation regularly, we advise you to keep a diary as a way to carve your successful meditation sessions and draw your paths. See what works for you and what doesn’t in reaching that middle way between comfort and concentration. This is not to say that every time you will take the same path, but learning more about yourself, makes it easier to find the path that supports you. How can you reach the same goal without being attached to the outcome itself? By putting aside the how and when and trusting you will attain it.
Meaningful relationships come to life the same way. As human beings, we try to foresee how things will unfold and might try to act the same way we did in other cases when it turned out the way we wanted it to. In doing so, we sometimes disregard trust and spontaneity. We try to control the actors and the relationship itself. Becoming more aware of who we are serves as understanding that mindfulness is the cornerstone of meaningful relationships, mindfulness and letting things happen naturally.
Recepies have been given on the topic of designing meaningful relationships. Truth be told all the self-help articles in the world would not work magic. You are naturally wired to create those relationships that spur with meaning, appreciation and acceptance. All that is needed is for you to listen to who you are.