Is Self-Blame Safe to our Mind?

Have you ever felt ashamed of something you’ve done to the point of blaming yourself and feeling so much guilt that you tend to hate yourself? Has it ever happened to you to feel so bad on your past events that you have done, which might have brought you pain or failure and caused harm to others? Haven’t you felt remorse for wrong things done to you or to others? All of this is normal, and everyone of us does mistakes. Read this to see how self-blame or a high sense of culpability mostly referred as guilt can affect our inner peace and overall well-being if we fail to forgive ourselves and let go what we cannot change.

Authors of undesired situations?

It happens that we find ourselves in undesired situations where we live moments of pains and wounds or failure. Our inability to connect the occurrence of these events as mere natural phenomenon where life is to be up and down brings us to find faults in our own lives and judge ourselves to be authors of these events. We tend to take our misfortune as our making, as our fault, and we tag ourselves as originators of the problem. In the course of this self-blaming, we carry this sort of culpability and refuse to forgive ourselves. The danger of this deadly feeling is that others may not know what is wrong with us but can be victims of our attitudes because in most cases, we embark on societal withdrawal and self-exclusion as we judge ourselves as unworthy persons.

Putting ourselves aside

As stated above, when we categorize ourselves and tag ourselves as originators of our misfortune, pain or suffering, there is a certain behaviour that we develop and that can affect our mind: societal exclusion where we withdraw from public and put ourselves aside. It is a failure to undertake another action as we see ourselves as non-capable or afraid to fall into similar situation.

Culpability and guilt may not be bad in themselves if we decide to accept the world as it is, carry on with life and transcend our past to do better. The danger is that we carry these sentiments over years, and we live in our own world outside of which, any other thing looks bad. We build a strong shell around us and isolate ourselves as we may feel like being the problem for ourselves and for others. In the following text, there are some questions to help understand more why we feel guilt and self-blame.

1. Why do we feel so much guilt and self-blame in some cases?

Because we take responsibility over things that are not ours. Because we fail to accept what we cannot change. Because we have developed a low self-esteem sentiment, and we fail to forgive to ourselves. Because we think our pain and failure are from our own making and we feel ashamed of that.

2. Why self-blame and culpability (too much guilt) is dangerous?

It is dangerous because one can decide to punish him or herself: when the feeling of shame is too high, when one blames himself or herself too much, there is a tendency to seek to punish ourselves. When it goes to the extreme, issues of suicide lingers in our mind as we tend to see our life worthless. Punishing ourselves may take many forms and according to literature reviewed, most of these are self-immolation, infringing pain on oneself, denying ourselves what we should have the right to have, taking drugs such as alcohol, smoking and finding refuge in short term stress relieving substances such as intoxicants. All these damage our mind and body.

3. How does self-blame affect our mind?

It is said that guilt is what we do, and shame – who we are. When we blame ourselves too much and when it becomes like a way of life, we put an end to creativity, to any action geared towards development, or any move that makes life progressing in a positive direction. Our mind will never be at peace, will hardly concentrate and focus because reminiscence of past events will prevent us to let go and carry on with life. Whatever keeps us back is not good for our mind that needs to surpass a past to live in the present.

4. Any suggestions to get out of this deadly feeling?

Introspection in one’s life to identify where lies the loopholes to amend it and correct what appears to be wrong is the act number one. Specific therapy should be applied to each life situations as causes of our issues are different but we have one common engine that determine our actions. That is the mind. If the mind is taken care of and made to be clean and pure, still and less clouded by the past events, pains we feel, wounds we carry within, feelings we don’t let go, bad attitudes we do not abandon, we may always have this problem. We are to train the mind not to bother about what we cannot change. I learned this when I started meditating some years back. This tool which brings about mind’s relaxation an concentration can make one’s life look more beautiful and fruitful, positive and progressive.

Photo credits

Rôle des Initiatives Individuelles dans le processus du développement

Dans la société humaine, il y a toujours un flux de nouvelles idées, de nouvelles innovations, de nouvelles manières de faire et des initiatives individuelles. Tous ces facteurs peuvent occasionner un changement radical dans la vie des gens. Ces mêmes facteurs peuvent susciter un changement dans la façon dont les gens conçoivent le monde. On cherche alors à comprendre le rôle des initiatives individuelles dans le processus du développement. Dans cet article, j’évoque la question afin  d’aider dans la compréhension des facteurs, qui  déterminent la cohésion sociale, l’évolution constante et durable.

Il suffit juste qu’un seul individu initie un projet, développe une pensée ou une idée pour qu’on observe toute une multiplicité d’initiatives similaires. C’est comme si les autres attendaient le premier initiateur pour passer à l’action. On dira que ces gens qui copient l’idée d’une autre personne ont été influencés par l’initiateur originel. Ces derniers peuvent, par conséquent, mieux faire. Quand on parle d’évolution, cela implique le mouvement d’un point vers un autre selon une amélioration de l’ensemble. Ce premier pas qui est toujours nécessaire rend le développement possible. Aussi, parlera-t’on de compétition si presque tout le monde tend à faire mieux que l’autre. Ce qui peut générer l’idée de la concurrence.

La concurrence et les initiatives individuelles dans le processus de développement

La concurrence est la reproduction d’initiatives premières tout en usant des moyens pour tendre vers la perfection. Ceci conduit souvent à la mise en place des stratégies innovantes, qui peuvent dépasser l’ampleur ou la qualité des initiatives premières. C’est dans cet exercice de vouloir mieux faire que nous pouvons observer la transformation d’une société. Parce qu’un flux de nouvelles idées fait naître de nouvelles façons de concevoir le monde avec diverses manières de penser . Ainsi donc, qui dit développement [humain] dit aussi amélioration de condition de vies, de penser, de manières et de savoir faire. Il est également question d’une transformation pour construire ce qui n’existait pas, améliorer ce qui n’était pas meilleur, mettre en place de nouvelles choses. Sachant que le développement implique des idées créatives et ingénieuses, il nous suffit de jeter un regard sur les réalités de nos vies pour juger de l’état d’évolution de nos sociétés. Nous savons de même ce qui est bon  et nous sommes au courant de ce qui peut engendrer le progrès, qu’il soit économique ou social.

L’innovation et les initiatives individuelles dans le processus de développement

Il est recommandé d’encourager des initiatives novatrices qui peuvent changer nos sociétés. Ces initiatives peuvent nous venir de tout angle. Par exemple une simple association d’étudiants diplômés sans emploi qui se mettent ensemble pour mobiliser des fonds afin de commencer un petit business, pourra transformer leurs vies, éduquer les autres et être bénéfique pour le pays. Cela peut aussi être l’action d’un personne aisée, qui peut décider de transformer tout une savane en une plantation d’ananas, de manioc, d’arachides, de palmiers à l’huile…

Le temps renforce  les initiatives individuelles dans le processus de développement

Nos actions dans le temps peuvent engendrer de l’impact positif. Un peu plus haut dans nos précédents exemples, on verra que dans peu de temps, bien d’autres voudront avoir les mêmes initiatives avec une approche individuelle et nouvelle. Ce qui pourrait se reproduire dans plusieurs domaines de la vie socio-économique. Dans ce contexte, si le gouvernement assure la sécurité de ces gens en protégeant leurs vies et leurs biens, je reste certaine de ce que petit-à-petit, des usines, des raffineries, d’industries, des fermes, d’entreprises naîtront en masse. Ainsi, les actions peuvent  créer des opportunités d’emploi pour les jeunes. D’où l’importance de rappeler que les initiatives individuelles dans le processus du développement favorisent l’innovation et la création. L’ensemble impose une compétition ou une concurrence, qui dans un esprit positif renforce les liens entre les Hommes pour le bien-être général.

Low Self-Esteem: A Handicap to our Mind’s Stillness?

Self-esteem is a healthy state of mind, whereby we value the person we are and the activities that we do; we cherish and positively view ourselves as normal and capable. It confers a good self-image and allows to lead a happy life, free from self-blame and hate or feeling of anger and frustration about who we are. However, if the opposite happens, it can lead to fatal cases of inability to forgive oneself and a lack of self-confidence. Low self-esteem is therefore unhealthy both for the body and mind as we are to see the reasons here.

What causes low self-esteem?

Various sources give wide-ranging reasons why people have low self-esteem but the most common can be, when we compare ourselves to others and downgrade ourselves. Hating our own body due to many reasons can lead to self-denigration. It is when we fail to understand the complexity of nature and our world; where things do not happen all times the way we want.

The clinical psychologist Dr. Lars Madsen reveals that it can be from our early childhood caused by ongoing stressful life or events where our contribution to resolve issues is insignificant or impossible.

The succession of unfavourable life events such as financial issues, relationship breakdowns, unfair or abusive treatment by others (bullying) can be contributing factors. A doubtful mind where keeping wrong mantras in our mind such as: “I can’t do it” or “I will never overcome this” will eventually evolve in labelling ourselves as incapable beings, and so we remain.

What can be the consequences of low self-esteem?

If unchecked, low self-esteem can lead to mental health disorder, a change in our normal way of relating to others, societal withdrawal, state of anxiety and depression. It can also lead to self-destructive moves such as unhealthy cosmetic surgery, drug abuse (taken to escape stress and fear), self-defence mechanisms to nonexistent dangers, unhealthy eating disorders which in most cases come with its own costs.

Such self-denigration compels us to seek outside ourselves for esteem and force others to treat us the way we believe we deserve. In most cases, it has led to abuse of power or authority, imposing on others our acceptance.

This feeling of low self-esteem can lead people to enforce codes of conduct to be shown to them. This is common for leaders and those in high positions; they will install excessive discipline measures and sanctions when they feel they are not respected or valued as they feel it ought to. They tend to believe they deserve more than how being treated. Lynne Forrest says that “we blame, justify, exaggerate, and manipulate, all in an effort to hide our perceived worthlessness”, and I have seen people turning into aggressive beings to impose their identity. Over spending monies to amass material things, obsessively can be a sign of inner unquenched desire to be better.

When it comes to relationship, low self-esteem in both men and women can lead to move from one partner to the other, searching who will validate them, not love them, and once they find him or her, they get too much emotionally attached to him or her and aggressive when there is a clear indication of relationship break up.

Towards eliminating low self-esteem

Dr. Kevin Solomons states that “it’s not external events that have the most profound effect on our self-esteem. It is how we view our own life and life’s events”. Therefore, since the therapy seems to be from within, the step number one is to know our own problem (be aware of our state of low self-esteem) and work towards improving it. Experts suggest the need to look after our body but care less on how it looks as we can’t change it.

Getting to know the meaning, purpose and goals of our life, the need for a connection to something greater than ourselves, embarking on creative activities, the need for intimacy and connection to others (good and sound friendship), cultivate inner sense of control reflex, developing a positive thinking, mind physical health by mere body exercise and most importantly, mindfulness and mindset coaching through meditation which science has made to be the easiest and most effective way to digest any mind’s related issues. It consists of letting the mind focus on one thing at a time, maximize and prioritize concentration and relaxation. It inherently helps one boost self-confidence, love, compassion and ability to comprehend the complexity of the world especially when we learn to let go that which we cling on, that does not matter at the moment to just remain happy and content of who we are and what we are doing at the moment.

Punctuality and Its Effects on Our Mind

While concepts of being on time vary across cultures and nations, punctuality is regarded as a universal value whose effects remain positive regardless of where we find ourselves. Being punctual may have different meaning in many areas of the globe. In some cultures, lateness may be tolerated to some extend while in others, it is absolutely unacceptable. We define punctuality as the quality of adhering to the appointed time or scheduled activities and explore how it affects our mind and hence, our live.

What is punctuality?
Several studies confirm that punctuality is a virtue that is possessed by most successful and respectful people. This virtue leads to efficiency and good mental health because one’s mind is freed from pressure or tension. Such stress and fears emerge from not honoring set times or meeting deadlines among other causes.  Punctuality is therefore seen as a time saver.

Punctuality as a bane to the mind’s stillness
Being chronically late can be caused by a nurtured habit, which unfortunately can ruin one’s life if not well checked on time and dealt with early. In most cases, procrastination often leads to lateness. Procrastination is the tendency to defer an activity to later times by giving excuses.  No matter the causes, punctuality can affects one’s state of mind. A disturbed mind could lack concentration, be stressed, or afraid in circumstances where lateness is prohibited. 

How punctuality helps one’s mind.
Being on time makes one’s mind relax as there is ample time to prepare (the lessons, meeting, presentations, classes, lectures…), to recollect, and reevaluate actions and work before submission. One feels calm within when not rushing to attend, or catching up a flight etc. It also conveys politeness and respect unto others. It can earn us a reputation, respect and can reveal about our integrity. We become reliable, dependable and trustworthy. We are seen as serious people with discipline and a sense of commitment to our activities. All these above stated benefits make our mind happy and still.

Why is it unsafe to be late?
Those of us always late, have a tendency to formulate blame on other factors, forge lies to justify the tardiness. Once this becomes an everyday thing, we become liars, which does not really help anyone including ourselves. Lateness can also lead to accidents especially when people rush and may be hit by motorists among other accidents on the road.  Late to bed, means late to waking up and late to waking up may be late to being at work. However, whilst punctuality may simply means being on time, to be too early to the time may also not be preferred by some people though it has lesser bad effects compared to being late.

How can one overcome lateness?

Any long developed habit takes time to change. Once tardiness becomes a part of one’s life, it takes a lot of sacrifices and efforts to adjust as it may need a change a style of life which, does not happen overnight. While many people prefer to use alarm clocks as a reminder, we can naturally learn to build this reflex of being on time by simply deciding to change our life style and practice of being on time. Another way is by preparing a well planned to-do list for the following day in the evening of day before. In cases where lateness  comes from multi-tasking several projects, we recommend meditation to nurture inner calmness, attentiveness, attention and focus. With this state of mind, we may learn to prioritize what matters at the time leading to a well-planned and orderly life.

 

Photo credits

How to Overcome a Doubtful Mind?

We all have doubted of something at least once in a life. Many times we fail to establish certainty about facts, situations, theories, beliefs and other aspects. In such a state of mind, it is normal that we fail to make a decision and we are afraid to go further until the mind is cleared and we are assured of how to act.

Doubting is natural
Doubt is a natural instinct in humans, which occur as a protective predisposition of our mind. It is therefore normal to doubt. We are talking about a doubtful mind, an excessive inclination to always doubt even when we ought not to. It may not be a hindrance to one’s life, not yet reached this level where everything is doubtful in our lives. Because having reached that level, one gets inner reflex preventing a move forward, an act of creativity, progress or any move to advance simply because one has less or no faith in its successful accomplishment.

This is not to refute though that most creative ideas come out of a doubt; a move to challenge the long established status quo which eventually leads to discovery of the truth, where new theory and belief can be formulated. Yet, here we are concerned by the mind that, for anything at all, we have to doubt till we lose trust in our own acts, till we lose confidence in ourselves to the point of lowering our own self-esteem. This is when we undermine our capabilities and prefer to be passive due to the fear of the unknown outcome of what we do, say and act.

 Bane to self-development

Hence, this doubtful mind can impede our self-development when we lose credibility in our own acts, when it leads us to denigrate the power to create what lies in our minds, when we fail to bring it to the light and discover the truth.

In the past, before I got to know the tricks helpful to overcome a doubtful mind, I have been a victim of the lack of faith in my acts, a lack of urge to make one more step forward due to the fear of the unknown. I would prefer to remain silent when I did not know where my words could reach, how they would be interpreted, whether they were right ones or not. I would refrain from doing something, because I had not done it before and had not seen good results, and this had nearly led me into a coward guy till I learnt to dare and act, and let whatever happens to happen.

It is at this stage that I understood that a doubtful mind was unhealthy state of mind. It could erode my own self-confidence, that kind of a doubt that leads to inaction for fear of uncertain outcome. This is what many could agree that it has been hindering the possibility of making progress. Long after I came of this, I saw that there is one main factor that led me there: ignorance.

Ask for a reason

When we have less knowledge on something, when we don’t understand or have a clue on some things, we tag them untrue, impossible, unrealizable, hence not worthy it all.

There is a beautiful quote from a philosopher I enjoy reading and that helps me understand this: “If you doubt first, doubt again”. That simply told me that there should be a reason why we doubt, ask yourself why you have such a doubt.

This assertion means, in the process of acting we have to analyse, vet and ensure that we are right, and this can lead to rational thinking and development.

However, when doubt becomes a part of our inner self, when it becomes a part of us as a habit, it will create a conflict within our mind, develop a close- mindedness which may lead to distress as one fails to act. Muhammad Ali said: “Give up what appears to be doubtful for what is certain. Truth brings peace of mind and the deception of doubt.”

Towards an innocent mind

Doubtful mind destroys us when it has become a habit which is hard to reverse. A way to prevent it is adopting practices that clear and clean the mind; something that can help us grow trust, boost self-confidence and raise self-esteem.

Spending a good amount of time calming the mind and emptying it from distracting thoughts and ideas, developing an innocent mind, we start seeing life differently. Meditation is like rebooting the system to go back to the initial settings of my life. A kind of resetting that truly works.

This cleaning and clearing of the mind means focusing on one thing at a time to increase concentration. In a long run, we feel relaxed and happy. Comprehending complex stuff becomes easy, handling tough deals become burdensome, and when the mind is empty, we can refill it with positive thoughts. We earn positive energy, and the world looks different from within and outside. Meditation did it for me. Triggered to try it? You may visit us here.