Be a Relationship Catalyst

Who are you really?

This is the question that has made many of us get to where we are today. If we are not the body and we are not even the mind, who are we really?

We are created with a name, not the one our parents gave us at birth, but the name we bring by nature, the personal print that characterises our own life from others, the reason why we were born in a certain place, with certain parents or without them, and certain circumstances around.

I believe that we come to this life in order to define who we really are. Each of our life experiences help us recognize our true nature, we are not alone, we are interdependent, not in a sense that we can’t live without others, but in a sense that we search for connection in order to feel SAFE. We also want to take care of others, and in exchange we will accomplish our life purpose.

Everybody is a reflection of you, and the Universe brings exactly what you need, when you need it. Each of them brings a message for personal GROWTH, only if we are ready and aware of that, we can take it as an opportunity instead of an obstacle for self-realization. For example, I hear a lot of people saying: “I regret all the time I lost with that person” instead of saying: “I thank that person for showing me the parts I don’t like about myself”.

Finding what “I” is, open up infinite possibilities for engaging in better and fulfilling relationships. Think about what part of yourself you want to show up. Be and decide who you really are because you can’t give something you don’t have. If you are searching for someone special, you need to become someone special.

What’s the right direction?

If personal interactions are fundamental part of life, it’s our duty to create the most powerful experiences possible. The meaning behind this is to discover where I am going and with whom, therefore, we have the freedom to decide everything we want, to design and create our present moment according to our basic needs and the desire of finishing the job of self-discovery, which is never-ending by the way…

As human beings we have two main characteristics by nature: self-control and love. We are not meant to be weak, this is a reality! You are the life to renew yourself no matter what you’ve been going through!

Self-control is supremacy of power, authority and strength over yourself. We need to say “no” to negative people and negative environments. It takes something to let go of everything that keep us away from being happy, and this is courage to reject what no longer serves us. But again, we need to know our limits, our weaknesses and strengths first.

Loving ourselves does not mean that we are becoming selfish, loving ourselves instead means that we choose only positive to come to us. Love from a compassionate mind requires loving without expectations. And here I want to share my point of view regardless expectations; having no expectations doesn’t mean that we are expecting to complete ourselves with others; or that we don’t need anything from anybody, but that we find ourselves complete and we are ready to share our completeness with others. We all have something to share: time, knowledge, space, interests… that’s why we decide to connect with others and share what we treasure the most.

Find the balance

“Be the change you want to see in others”. To become a catalyst you need to understand that the only person you can change is yourself. We spend most of our time trying to change people and things around us, but the fact is that we are losing our time. If you do something, do it for a reason.

A good friend of mine always reminds me of relating with nourishing and positive people no matter what’s my final goal, he also encourages me to find a real motivation in new projects. The energy I use in daily life for working, volunteering, dating, helping family and friends should be full of power and love. And don’t forget to give yourself.

“Let go and let it be”. Just because you decide to become more open and tolerant doesn’t mean you don’t care about it. If you keep a good perspective, you develop the ability to respond instead of react, avoiding unnecessary stress and arguments, give you the free pass for assertive communication and the right to express yourself better about your feelings and needs, leaving behind guilt and frustration.

Actions for lifetime relationships

Creating positive bonds is not so hard, after you find the right balance and decide who you want to be. It is time to try out your inner wisdom and start correcting your habits to keep that balance and not get out of track. How can we make it easier?

1. Pleasant: let go of the ego, stop trying to be right about everything, specially when it comes to the relationship with your partner or spouse. It’s okay to be angry at someone for a moment but ask yourself the reason why you are feeling that way. A simple “you are right, I’m sorry” bonds you to one another.
2. Positive speech: your ability to speak is one of the ways to connect. Be aware of giving compliments and gratitude to your beloved ones. Laughing, having a good sense of humour, making plans for a social meeting, as well as the tone of voice you use is a part of the mindset that you need to feel good and make others enjoy the time together.
3. Compromise: as I said before, you can’t complete yourself with someone, it’s necessary to give space and proper communication. Everyone has their own needs and opinions, we must respect each other and share their interest or at least motivate them to follow dreams and aspirations.
4. Acceptance: when you see someone as they truly are, you see their good and bad habits, automatically you stay present to the nature of life, and you stop the need to change someone.
5. Be calm: make an effort to be mindful, cultivate inner peace at all times, be the role-model for everyone around you. Make your mind neutral to all senses as all the things we enjoy with our senses will die or end some time in the future. Holding on to them will delay the purification of the mind.

“How deeply you touch another life is how rich your life is.”
-Sadhguru

Honra tu verdad y siéntete feliz

Los seres humanos llegamos al mundo con total pureza y con la verdad más sincera de quiénes somos. Llegamos como un vaso completamente vacío que a medida que nos hacemos mayores, vamos llenando con mensajes que escuchamos de nuestro alrededor.

Estos mensajes con los que llenamos el vaso, terminan siendo nuestra personalidad. Por este motivo, podemos afirmar que dicha personalidad no somos nosotros en estado puro, sino que es el resultado de una mezcla de situaciones de nuestro entorno. A la vez, nos damos cuenta que nuestra personalidad no es algo con lo que nacemos, sino que es algo que creamos para amoldarnos a lo que nos rodea.

A veces ese carácter que creamos y ponemos dentro del vaso, no se parece en nada a nuestra verdadera esencia. Cuando esto pasa, nos sentimos vacíos e infelices sin saber muy bien por qué. A mi esto también me pasó, y te lo cuento en el siguiente link.

En estos casos, debemos verter del vaso lo que nos molesta y llenarlo con lo que realmente nos hace sentir realizados.

A continuación, comento unos consejos que ayudan a conectar de nuevo con nuestro YO más auténtico, el YO de verdad:

-Hacer lo que se dice y decir lo que se hace

Muchos son los que ya han escuchado antes esta frase, pero realmente decirla no permite sentirse mejor, es integrarla en nuestras células y actuar de esta manera lo que marca el cambio. Las personas que se han tomado esta frase en serio, han experimentado verdaderos milagros en sus vidas.

-Seguir nuestros valores

Muchas personas hablan de valores, pero pocos saben qué son realmente los valores y lo más importante: cuáles son los suyos. Nuestros valores son nuestras prioridades, aquello que para nosotros es tan importante.

Hay que decir que no todas las personas tenemos los mismos valores y esto está bien, porque lo importante es que cada uno de nosotros actuemos según los nuestros.

Por ejemplo, una persona que considera el valor de la libertad como muy relevante, le puede costar trabajar en una oficina donde le dicen lo que tiene que hacer y qué horario seguir en todo momento. Le dolerá seguir en este trabajo porque no tendrá la libertad que tanto aprecia. De todas maneras, este trabajo sigue siendo ideal y perfecto para otra persona.

-Decir siempre la verdad sin miedo

Esconder la verdad, significa no honrarla. No debemos tener miedo a no ser queridos, aceptados o gustados por otros, al fin y al cabo, no tenemos que gustar a todo el mundo. Pero si nos aceptamos, nos queremos y nos respectamos a nosotros mismos, ya tendremos el apoyo de la persona que más necesitamos.

-No decir sí cuando se quiere decir no

Muchas veces respondemos que sí para complacer a otra persona, pero realmente después nos arrepentimos y no nos sentimos a gusto. Decir que no apetece o que no se quiere, no significa hacer daño a nadie, siempre tenemos la opción de decir no con compasión y palabras amables.

-Responder en vez de reaccionar

La diferencia entre responder y reaccionar se encuentra únicamente en 3 segundos. Contar hasta 3 antes de dar una respuesta, permite dejar el tiempo suficiente para escuchar y contestar lo que realmente somos.

-Eliminar “tengo que” del vocabulario

La verdad es que no tenemos que hacer absolutamente nada, nosotros hemos elegido hacer lo que vamos a hacer. Así que podemos cambiar perfectamente el “tengo que” por el “yo elijo”. Cuando decimos “no puedo venir porque tengo que trabajar”, en realidad, esta es sencillamente la opción que hemos preferido.

Una persona auténtica es aquella que siempre honra su verdad y sabe que tiene elección de tener y hacer todo lo que le plazca en cada momento. Una persona auténtica se responsabiliza de su vida y crea su propia historia. Una persona auténtica abraza sin miedo el papel del jugador, el áarbitro y el juez en su vida porque está convencida de qué ella mejor que nadie puede afrontar todos estos papeles.

Una persona auténtica únicamente escucha su verdad, porque es la única que le permite sentirse libre y feliz.

Hay más información sobre el camino hacia nuestra verdad aquí.

Being A Woman: No One Told Us What Empowerment Is About

Being truly herself is the most empowering, enriching and loving experience that a woman can have (we can add “a man” here too). And at the same time, it is something that we need to learn. It may sound strange to think about “learning to be yourself” because one is supposed to be oneself all the time, right? But because we are not fully aware of this, let´s step back and start from the beginning.

Should I learn to be myself? I believe, yes since we don´t live alone in this world. We live in a community with other human beings, we have a dependent existence (we need from others things that we cannot do or get by ourselves alone), and we relate to each other in layers that are, many times, profound and meaningful. We also share this existence with nature, living beings that are non-human and play a fundamental role in this world. Considering these basics, it´s not difficult to accept that the main reason of caution and carefulness on “being myself” is that what I do affect others, what I do has consequences, and can change lives (mine and others’ lives).

In this path of “being yourself” we often face many obstacles and challenges. Our beliefs are tested, our core exposed, we experience vulnerability, ignorance, certainty, doubt, love, fear, criticism, hate etc. On a sociopolitical level, we may be mad at a world that imposes on limits and prohibitions (especially for women); we fight to gain more freedom, we raise signs and share content on social media, we participate in protests and develop initiatives to gain more rights, more space, for women. And while we fight in the outer world, there is another battle that we need to fight in order to gain freedom. The inner battle: the fight for being yourself.

I believe that this freedom, I dare to say “true freedom”, has to be earned, not given. We earn the right to be fully ourselves when we learn to live without hurting others. That´s the condition of our freedom, the responsibility that freedom carries. If “being myself” implies that you hurt others with your short-tempered nature, your reactivity or ego, then you haven´t earned the freedom to be yourself and you are living creating chaos in your life (extreme case of this is ending up in a jail due to untamed violence). And if this is like that, then empowerment has a tight bond with freedom, and it´s an inner job too.

Violence and care are two faces of the same coin. Whenever there is violence, not only peace is needed, but firstly care. We apply care to zones in ourselves that are wild, even chaotic. Care is also a loving form of paying attention, of giving. We do this towards ourselves and we observe how we are, the things that we do without judgement, lovingly, and we educate ourselves by taming those areas that need more work than others (it all comes down to work on our reactivity here…). We learn to pay attention to ourselves by practicing mindfulness, by watching our thoughts and emotions passing by without engaging with them, noticing and recording the experiences we have during meditation in an environment of acceptance, knowing that there is nothing wrong, just things that need to be noticed and later on, changed or tamed, if necessary. This exercise brings self-development in many, many ways.

Women Empowerment and freedom go hand in hand. There is no way in which I can feel empowered if I don´t know that there are options available for me to respond to the world; if I don´t know that by educating myself and bringing out my own wisdom and intuition, I can do better in the same stressful circumstance; if I ignore that I am capable of doing for myself the things that I do for the ones I love (in other words, that I can love myself the same way I love others); if I never realize that by knowing and being responsible for myself, I am being truly free, truly me.

It´s the fire in my eyes, and the flash of my teeth, the swing in my waist, and the joy in my feet. I am a woman phenomenally.” Maya Angelou

Let the flower bloom!

Image: https://www.pinterest.cl/pin/492581277974846531/

You’re Good Enough, And Always Have Been

If you’ve ever struggled or still struggle with loving yourself, know that you are not alone. And more importantly, know that there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. In a world full of pressures and expectations, it is easy to feel less than. It is easy to compare ourselves to others or seek perfection when it is not necessary (or healthy).

Learning To Open Up About Your Struggles

I wholeheartedly believe that it is important to be open and honest about your own struggles. Without communicating our struggles, fears, and negative thoughts, it’s nearly impossible to start on the road to a healthy mind. Whether this means talking to a friend, family member, therapist, or even a journal, it helps tremendously to release your emotions.

Let me start by opening up about my own personal struggles with perfection and never feeling good enough.

Throughout high school, I put a lot of pressure on myself to get spectacular grades. While it was fabulous that I wanted to get good grades, my approach was not healthy. Rather than being satisfied with my achievements, I would dwell on the smallest mistakes. If I missed one question on a test, I would see only that mistake, not the achievement. Spectacular was not even enough. In fact, perfection wasn’t even good enough–it was just “all right.”

When my high school years came to an end and I no longer stressed about grades, perfection slithered its way in differently. This time, I became obsessed with weight loss and health, never seeing myself as worthy of happiness if I didn’t achieve a certain weight or maintain a specific diet.

This struggle was with me from a young age; even when I was in middle school, I struggled with my weight and in high school I attempted diets, but ultimately made a lifestyle change. At first, I lost weight healthily but then I began to obsess over it. Weight and calories were always on my mind and thin was not enough–I had to keep losing more and more weight.

The peak of my eating disorder lasted the first semester of my freshman year of college, but the mindset took a long time to fade away. Throughout these struggles, I’ve realized that if you don’t love yourself, happiness is hard to come by.

Taking Care of Yourself, Every Day

After I began focusing more on loving myself, my mindset began to change. I replaced negative thoughts with positive thoughts, bad habits with good ones, and hatred with love. My whole mindset needed to change. It took a lot of time and work, but it paid off, and I work every day to be good to myself.

I want to repeat those last few words: I work every day to be good to myself.

Loving yourself isn’t something that happens over night. It also isn’t something that, once learned, can be thrown under the rug. We are constantly changing, so we need to constantly reevaluate our approach to self-love, and cater our efforts to the needs of the moment.

I want to remind you of a phrase that has helped me tremendously: You are good enough, right in this moment, and always have been.

I think we can easily spend too much time thinking about the person we want to become rather than the person we are right now. If we don’t work on loving ourselves in the moment, how can we expect to love ourselves in the future?

Of course, we can always improve and strive to be better people, but we don’t have to give up our happiness during this journey.

Self-love starts with this very moment.

Without caring for ourselves and communicating our struggles, fears, and negative thoughts, it’s nearly impossible to start on the road to a healthier mind.
If you want to read more by Jerry Ehlers, please visit his website Discovery Overflow.

Retour vers soi, une voie de la liberté.

Je suis curieuse de savoir comment les choses que nous connaissons aujourd’hui, seraient-elles si on ne nous les avait pas décrites à l’avance.. Je me demande que serait le monde, si chacun de nous avait la liberté de suivre sa propre voie, d’être ce qu’il est sans pression sociale ou jugement, est ce qu’on choisirait l’université, le travail, le mariage ?

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Can We Be Kind If We Are Not Being Self-compassionate?

There is one simple exercise which I like to do on workshops: I ask participants to write kind wishes for themselves and others from the group. In most of the cases what usually happens is that people forget to write wishes for themselves, or they “leave them behind”, until the end of exercise and then write something quickly as possible without much thinking.

Continue reading “Can We Be Kind If We Are Not Being Self-compassionate?”