“How to maintain healthy relationships?” A friend of mine once asked me. Surely, it will not happen by itself. All kinds of relationships in our life need to be nurtured and taken good care of, with kindness and patience.
Imagine, you are a gardener and relationships are like flowers you are growing in your garden to brighten up your day. Without watering, taking the weeds away, fertilising the soil, talking to the buds and sharing your love with them, they most probably won’t give flowers or won’t grow at all.
So, garden is our life, flowers are people we have relationships with (any kind of relationships), and we are gardeners. But do we know what the main pillars are for our garden to bloom?
Self-love – learn from the sun!
Imagine the sun; it shines for everyone without making any choices or differences. The sun does not shine more or brighter for one or the other person, it remains equanimous. If the sun has enough energy, enough of warmth, it gives the full power to the world equally. Same for us: when we are full of love and kindness, aware of our own value, we generate the power of love and we are more able to bring it to the world too.
Of course, there are moments when the sun is hidden behind the clouds, but that does not mean the sun left us for good. So, when we feel a bit blue or down, we should not give up or fall for depression. We should remind ourselves of something positive and try to focus on things we have done great so far. Breath it over and have patience! The sun never leaves us because we are the Sun. The Sun always waits within, patiently to be seen and felt again.
And once you feel it, stay wise. If you give too much to one flower only, you can burn it. If you forget about the other one and do not give it enough of light, it may die too. What does it say about love in general? To keep things in balance. If we are trying to give more than what we have, we soon end up being a slave to our own emotions, most likely creating false illusions. If we do not give at all, we are making ourselves less rich humans, because we came here to love consciously, with awareness to our own energy and needs. By keeping things balanced, we are able to generate enough of love and kindness for ourselves in order to spread it further.
Be the brightest yet most tender sun for your garden!
Communication – bird loves singing when in balance
Taking good care of a relationship is like creating comfortable home together. Imagine love being like a small bird that you hold in both hands. One hand is your own and the other one is your partner’s. The bird is, obviously, your love. If you hold both hands together too tight, the bird won’t be able to breath and it will die sooner or later. Too much care and no freedom will give it no chance to spread its wings. If you open up both hands out wide, you may lose connection with your partner easily, so the bird will fly away and might never come back.
That is what happens when there is a lack of communication or care. Connection fades away. But if you hold both hands together in a comfortable way, making the bird feel like at home, it will want to stay with you. And even if it flies somewhere to explore from time to time, it will come back to you, stronger and transformed into a more beautiful thing, but most importantly, it will want to stay at home, regularly. So, balance and right amount of care, love, and freedom is really necessary in order to maintain healthy relationships.
However, one part cannot function properly without the other to maintain our relationships in balance. And that leads to trust.
Everything happens in the right time
Trust yourself, trust others, trust the universe, embrace your fears and have guts to wait for the results.
Each and every plant has its own time to grow. If you want a rose to give you a flower within a week, it won’t. So why do we tend to push and pressure things when it comes to relationships? Why are we not patient enough to wait how things unravel? There is so much beauty in it, and we can learn a lot along the way. Do not spoil your beautiful garden by being impatient or demanding! Have trust that everything happens in the right time! Let grow together with the other person gently. Let things happen to you instead of chasing after them.
Having trust that giving energy and balanced amount of effort into your garden will show results sooner or later, saves a lot of headache. What more? Everything around, the wind, rain, animals, fertile soil, simply the universe and „coincidences“ will help bring flowers to your garden too. When the time comes.
Having trust is like being fully transparent in front of the other person. It gives peace and harmony to the mind. Why? Simply because we know there is nothing to worry about, nothing to control, just to let live and co-exist. It feels extremely beautiful when we develop this contentment between two different energies which have basically the same source.
You are, always have been and will be the ultimate one for yourself. With this understanding, there is no doubt that the right energy of someone else will resonate with you and your attitude towards life on a certain level combining all what was said previously.
Love is not something ready made. It is a miraculous creation. Being created through experiences, situations, care and effort. It is not the peak we climb but rather leaving the valley; it is joyful walking uphill and seeing beautiful views, same as sometimes painful falls and sweat, after which we help each other to stand up in order to keep going. It is a pleasure of the journey itself, a sail on a wide unknown sea when the wind is fortunate but at the same time sailing against the waves.
So, make yourself comfortable, breath in and out and enjoy the ride! It all starts from knowing yourself.
Photo credits: Jared Rice