How to Grow Healthy Relationships in the Garden of Life?

“How to maintain healthy relationships?” A friend of mine once asked me.  Surely, it will not happen by itself.  All kinds of relationships in our life need to be nurtured and taken good care of, with kindness and patience.

Imagine, you are a gardener and relationships are like flowers you are growing in your garden to brighten up your day. Without watering, taking the weeds away, fertilising the soil, talking to the buds and sharing your love with them, they most probably won’t give flowers or won’t grow at all. 

So, garden is our life, flowers are people we have relationships with (any kind of relationships), and we are gardeners. But do we know what the main pillars  are for our garden to bloom?

Self-love – learn from the sun!

Imagine the sun; it shines for everyone without making any choices or differences. The sun does not shine more or brighter for one or the other person, it remains equanimous. If the sun has enough energy, enough of warmth, it gives the full power to the world equally. Same for us: when we are full of love and kindness, aware of our own value, we generate the power of love and we are more able to bring it to the world too.

Of course, there are moments when the sun is hidden behind the clouds, but that does not mean the sun left us for good. So, when we feel a bit blue or down, we should not give up or fall for depression. We should remind ourselves of something positive and try to focus on things we have done great so far. Breath it over and have patience! The sun never leaves us because we are the Sun. The Sun always waits within, patiently to be seen and felt again.

And once you feel it, stay wise. If you give too much to one flower only, you can burn it. If you forget about the other one and do not give it enough of light, it may die too. What does it say about love in general? To keep things in balance. If we are trying to give more than what we have, we soon end up being a slave to our own emotions, most likely creating false illusions. If we do not give at all, we are making ourselves less rich humans, because we came here to love consciously, with awareness to our own energy and needs. By keeping things balanced, we are able to generate enough of love and kindness for ourselves in order to spread it further.

Be the brightest yet most tender sun for your garden!

Communication – bird loves singing when in balance

Taking good care of a relationship is like creating comfortable home together. Imagine love being like a small bird that you hold in both hands. One hand is your own and the other one is your partner’s. The bird is, obviously, your love. If you hold both hands together too tight, the bird won’t be able to breath and it will die sooner or later. Too much care and no freedom will give it no chance to spread its wings. If you open up both hands out wide, you may lose connection with your partner easily, so the bird will fly away and might never come back.

That is what happens when there is a lack of communication or care. Connection fades away. But if you hold both hands together in a comfortable way, making the bird feel like at home, it will want to stay with you. And even if it flies somewhere to explore from time to time, it will come back to you, stronger and transformed into a more beautiful thing, but most importantly, it will want to stay at home, regularly. So, balance and right amount of care, love,  and freedom is really necessary in order to maintain healthy relationships.

However, one part cannot function properly without the other to maintain our relationships in balance. And that leads to trust.

Everything happens in the right time

Trust  yourself, trust others, trust the universe, embrace your fears and have guts to wait for the results.

Each and every plant has its own time to grow. If you want a rose to give you a flower within a week, it won’t. So why do we tend to push and pressure things when it comes to relationships? Why are we not patient enough to wait how things unravel? There is so much beauty in it, and we can learn a lot along the way. Do not spoil your beautiful garden by being impatient or demanding! Have trust that everything happens in the right time! Let grow together with the other person gently. Let things happen to you instead of chasing  after them.

Having trust that giving energy and balanced amount of effort into your garden will show results sooner or later, saves a lot of headache. What more? Everything around, the wind, rain, animals, fertile soil, simply the universe and „coincidences“ will help bring flowers to your garden too. When the time comes.

Having trust is like being fully transparent in front of the other person. It gives peace and harmony to the mind. Why? Simply because we know there is nothing to worry about, nothing to control, just to let live and co-exist. It feels extremely beautiful when we develop this contentment between two different energies which have basically the same source.

Ultimate Understanding 

You are, always have been and will be the ultimate one for yourself. With this understanding, there is no doubt that the right energy of someone else will resonate with you and your attitude towards life on a certain level combining all what was said previously.

Love is not something ready made. It is a miraculous creation. Being created through experiences, situations, care and effort. It is not the peak we climb but rather leaving the valley; it is joyful walking uphill and seeing beautiful views, same as sometimes painful falls and sweat, after which we help each other to stand up in order to keep going. It is a pleasure of the journey itself, a sail on a wide unknown sea when the wind is fortunate but at the same time sailing against the waves.

So, make yourself comfortable, breath in and out and enjoy the ride! It all starts from knowing yourself.

Photo credits: Jared Rice

How to practice patience when facing negative emotions?

I like to define patience as peace + science, or in other words, the science of peace.

Patience is the ability to overcome challenges without reacting with anger. You can show patience with a good attitude in front of life difficulties. Being patient is also the comprehension of life facts without forcing anything or anyone, without getting attached to anything or anyone, without any effort.

If the patience is part of our natural state, why do we “lose” it?

Patience is lost as we allow what does not correspond to our real nature. The enemies of patience are negative emotions such as ANGER AND HATE, which bring suffering. These negative emotions are created in the mind because the mind is like a sponge; it absorbs both the positive and the negative, unfortunately, it is proven that the mind absorbs more quickly the negative than the positive.

In the world we live in, we receive daily hate messages such as wars, abandonment, and injustice. In social networks and television, they show us a reality full of falsehood and materialism called “mass consumption“. All of this is absorbed and accumulated by mind daily. It is as if the mind were a glass of water and each negative thought is a drop of ink that falls into the water and becomes cloudy and dark.

When we faced difficult situations, the mind is cloudy and dark and, instead of responding assertively, it reacts with anger and hatred.

If something happens that I do not want, I get angry …

When someone says or does something that I do not like, I get angry …

When situations do not go as I expected, I get angry …

If we analyze this pattern, there is always “something” or “someone” that “steals” our peace or patience. If we let everything that happens around affect us, we end up suffering. And this is because we are so dissatisfied with life that we always want something more and we do not even know what that something is.

As the Chilean psychiatrist Claudio Naranjo says: “People find it difficult to be happy because they think happiness is to be happy with everyone and everything, be happy and nothing more, laugh at everything. But if we could realize that happiness is to be serene. And that serenity is obtained when one is on the path he chose. Not exactly because he does well, that would be very easy. But we expect so much from the happiness that we have made it impossible.”

In order to end the suffering caused by anger and hatred, we need to change our DESIRES. Desires are another cause of suffering, and uncontrollable desires can lead to death. People hurt themselves, self-flagellate, suffer from depression, anxiety and end up losing patience altogether.

We all face obstacles; if they have a solution, there is no reason to be angry, and if they do not have it, how does it benefit us to get angry?

But here is something important, NOT all suffering is bad, the small daily sufferings that affect us physically and emotionally, such as pain and illness, also prepare us to endure great adversities. If we become familiar with the challenges every day, we become stronger, and it becomes easier and easier to solve them.

How to cultivate patience?

One of the most effective ways to cultivate patience is to have TRUST, trusting that everything we need comes to us at the time and in the right way, without any effort. This we can call waiting, “wait patiently.” If we return to the example of the glass with water, if we let the ink settle in the bottom of the glass, we can see clearly and choose to respond assertively to the challenges, instead of getting angry.

Confidence allows us to understand that everything arrives at the perfect moment and time. For some strange reason, humans have developed the need to control everything, including others. This creates great disappointments of how life is according to what we expect from it. Through the practice of trust, we let everything flow without the need to control; flow with life is much more relaxed and effective than go against the flow!

One of the best ways to cultivate that natural state of patience is by means of meditation. Meditation is an exercise for the mind, which is, as I mentioned earlier, the source of negative emotions and uncontrollable desires. Meditation allows us to:

-Learn how to deal with our thoughts and emotions

-Connect with our natural state of inner peace

-Clean the impurities of the mind

-Control the desires

-Accept the nature of the world that is UNCONTROLLABLE

3 affirmations to cultivate patience

After recognizing the origin of the loss of patience and understanding that we can control our desires to stop suffering, we can pause and transform our life experience into a conscious experience of peace and serenity. Positive affirmations are the opposite of the negative thought patterns that we normally use and are the starting point for personal development.

For this reason, I want to share the following affirmations to cultivate patience in all areas of life:

  • Practice acceptance

Today I accept the people, situations, and circumstances as they occur. I know that this moment is as it should be because the whole universe is as it should be. I will not fight against the whole universe by fighting against this moment. I accept things as they are and not as I want them to be.

  • Take responsibility

Today I take responsibility for my situation and for all the events that I see as challenges. I avoid blaming others or myself. I recognize that every challenge is a disguised opportunity, which allows me to take this moment and transform it for my growth and expansion.

  • Remain defenseless

Today, I renounce my point of view, and I have no need to persuade others to accept my opinions. I remain open to all points of view and I am not rigidly attached to any of them. I choose to be kind before being right.

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How Meditation Helped Me to Be Confident

Don’t you think that many people face stressful lives? We’re always worried about something. Work, studies, family, relationships… there are many different things that trigger our anxiety levels. Being always worried about so many issues can make us be even more susceptible to the less-meaningful-everyday-problems. And we finally end up stressed because of everything, and we feel irritated even for issues that we imagine coming. Continue reading “How Meditation Helped Me to Be Confident”