How meditation helped me fight insomnia and anxiety

It was when I started working in the government (after more than 5 years of working in different private companies) that I got to realize that it is not about the amount of work that made me anxious. Instead, it is my way of dealing with it. In this article, you will learn ways that helped me deal with my anxiety, and it may help you too.

Busy people think being anxious is normal

Since my secondary school years, I was the kind of a student who preferred to have a lot on the plate. I juggled studies, work and responsibilities in the student organizations that I were in and I enjoyed doing it. Back then, worrying about the exams and other responsibilities seemed normal since almost everyone I knew were like that.

However, when I started working, my worries grew more and more. I was anxious about things at work, like how our customers would behave day by day and how my boss would react to my mistakes and/or proposals. It was when I was in my early twenties that I landed a job in marketing at a local company (carrying an international brand) that I got to be called “anxious” for the first time. It hit me hard and I was in denial that time.

Up until now (5 years later), I can still clearly remember how and where that situation happened. We were discussing a big event that we were organizing and I was just asking for assurance from our interior designer if his on-the-day set-up would be completely okay. Then, he just spilled out those words – “You know what, Rose, you are too anxious.” The next day, as he promised, everything went well and we were able to pull off that event.

Too much anxiety is NOT normal

Within the span of 5 years, I got to realize that being too anxious is not normal. It only makes you feel like you are carrying a heavy baggage on your back every day without really knowing that its contents were unnecessary. It took me years to realize that this heavy baggage I am carrying was also the reason behind my not-being-able-to-sleep-soundly at night. Work-matters are usually what plays on my head before going to sleep to the point that I am even working in my dreams!

In 2017, I landed a job in the government and as expected, work was lesser compared to that of a private company (or maybe it was because I had a different designation, too). Yet, I found myself mentally and physically exhausted every single day. I committed mistakes, typographical errors mostly. Despite these, my boss didn’t humiliate me for that. I am truly grateful that he was solutions-oriented person and a true leader. What he did was that he just repeatedly reminded me to double check my work (which I do three to four times now) and that’s it. No nagging, no scolding and no humiliating (like what I usually play in my head before me confessing my fault). Even though my boss didn’t scold me, I usually scolded myself for not being good enough back then. Over the years, I learned to let go. It took a leap of faith to trust the process that everything would be okay. It also took a great strength and courage to forgive myself for not being efficient and effective every time.

Meditation helps

When I got to know meditation in 2019 and started practicing it daily, I was able to gradually decrease my anxiety and noticed that I was able to sleep soundly at night. Though I had to admit that there were times wherein I would still be insomniac (usually it happens whenever I am bound to travel the next day and I think it is because I am too much excited about it), most of the nights were peaceful.

My anxiety at work and even daily gradually lessened as well. Gone were the days that I was too afraid of committing mistakes. Today, I am always getting things done head-on. Now, I am more on thinking about how to solve every problem and not spending too much time on dwelling about the problem. Meditation has helped me to be more neutral, and that is not to let my emotions get the best of myself and meddle with my decisions.

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