How I Met My True Self Thanks To Monica, My Daughter With Disability

In October 1998, my first daughter Monica was born with a very serious brain damage. The typical situation we all know it exists, but some way we always think that these kind of problems only happen to the others and not to yourself. Until the day that it does happen to you, and suddenly everything changes.

Wake-up Call

In my case everything changed positively! If I now tell that due to her illness Monica is deaf, almost blind, cannot walk and is basically like a small baby (even though she is already 19 years old), it sounds very tough and, of course, it is a big problem in my family. But I also dare to say that now I am much happier than before Monica was born, and this is something to think about…

 

I have to confess that before the birth of Monica I was a terrible, aggressive executive, only thinking that happiness was all about having loads of money and driving a fast fancy car. Monica was clearly my wake-up call because “thanks” to her circumstances I came into contact with people that help. Doctors, nurses, volunteers, people I deeply admire. People that inspired me to change my attitude from negative to positive. Now instead of an aggressive executive I am a social entrepreneur and very proud to have developed the charitable fundraising platform Teaming that nowadays helps thousands of persons around the globe.

More than inspiration

Coming back to Monica, I must say she is much more than only an inspiration to have set up a social project. As a matter of fact, I see Monica as a Master who came on my way in order to help me and to help a lot of other people. She is teaching me so many beautiful things, for example, living and working hard on big dreams without any fear. Monica taught me how to release fear because she went through so many critical situations. Once a doctor before a complicated 10 hours operation told us that there was only a 25% probability for her to survive. When you experience these kind of things, you join her to the operation area, give her the last kiss knowing that you will probably not see her anymore… you suddenly are not worried anymore about “normal” problems (like being fired, losing money, going through a divorce) that normally were like the end of the world for me.

 

Monica also teaches me how to enjoy every small moment of the day. Because of her limitations, Monica doesn’t know what tomorrow means or what money is, so she just enjoys things like eating an ice cream or touching water. And this way she reminds me every day that this is what we all should do… Some time ago I told my mother (80 years old) that I really changed thanks to my daughter Monica. But my mother smiled and said that thanks to Monica I am finally again her boy when I was 3 or 4 years old.

Planet in peace

And Monica doesn’t stop inspiring me. I invite you to visit my new peace project where you can see how together we can start creating a new planet in peace, just like John Lennon imagined it. A world without possessions, countries and religions. How? Hereby, just an example of one of my ideas into actions where you can also see Monica and her little sister.

 

To summarise this story I would love to share my favourite quote of Buddha:
“One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, and one life can change the world.”

When The “Self” Bloomed Within The Silence

It took me two months of reflecting, deep thinking, waves of depression, diving into the unknown, meditating, re-reading my journal, dying & re-birthing in order to arrive to the decision of transferring to you my journey to self- realization which is a process of life, light and bliss. I will start with one critical stop: Global Peace on the Move 20, Meditation Retreat: June 2017.

The 14 days at the meditation retreat have been a real roller-coaster ride of internal lively experiences.

Paradox of Feelings

It has been saddening yet joyful, deathly yet re-birthing; it transferred me from the highest mountain to the lowest valley of internal tornado storms. This combination of everything happened while in total body stillness. So what is that paradox? That a body very still could create an internal explosion of all states of being happening within that total motionlessness of the body which led to the fact that my pen never stopped writing, as the flow of insights streamed through me every second, of every minute, of every hour, I was writing non-stop throughout the whole day a combination of insights, observations and inspirations.

My state of being transferred each day from one state to another, at the beginning it was a feeling of: excitement, lightness, enjoyment, then transferred to feelings of sadness, loss, fear, insecurity, imprisonment, conflict, distraction, confusion until gradually on the 7th day, I was arriving somewhere more of a stable state: calmness, silence, tranquility, serenity, stillness, blissfulness, emotionlessness, neutrality, contentment and insight.  My journey was a journey of  the self, cutting its way through the distortions of my mind, and reaching to rest peacefully within its true nature.

Morning Awakening

There is a thin line between the past and the future, which is the present moment. At Dhammakaya Sanctuary, I was living in that moment called “the present”, where everything was expressing itself into a form of life, where it’s the only time possible to notice what’s happening in its precise details using all the 5 senses, and being in the moment of now allowed me the chance to witness a miracle called: LIFE. As I was pulled into it when every morning we woke up at 5 AM  just at the awakening moment of the forest itself, the moment when the forest came to life.

As I walked barefoot to the meditation room, I could feel the connection between me and the mother earth, as every part of the forest gently caressed every part of my existence leaving me in a state of calm vividness.  I could feel the swift breeze waving its “good morning” at my eyes, and I could inhale the freshening of the leaves through my nose, and lungs, and my whole body as it smelled all the scents of the forest coming together into one specific smell, greenness.

Reaching the view up the mountain next to the meditation room as the sun comes up every day rising like a true queen, I felt the spirit of the whole universe shining up in front of my bare eyes, where I was the only person watching this miraculous moment, it’s the moment my heart was fulfilled with total bliss, as I greeted this place with my “sun salutation” sequence, and spiritually connected with everything that was alive there. All this magical combination of the nature brought me up to life every day of my GPM 20.

Blossoming Bliss

On the 8th of June (6th day of the retreat), Teaching Monk Luang Phi Pasura guided the session, which started as any other meditation sessions, however what blossomed out of it was: EXTRAORDINARY.

One second made all the difference, as I was no longer hearing the monk’s voice guiding the meditation session, my breathing came to a point where it was very slow & very still, like I was barely breathing, and there was no sensation of my physical body. My mind was clear and empty, no thoughts were regenerating. My whole existence disconnected from the present moment, I was not here but nowhere else… I was within my being.

Total silence expanded deeply within my whole existence, layers of peace spread within my center and a pure light shining beyond those layers of peace, an explosion of total bliss blossomed within me, as I came to meet my true self. It was beyond joy, beyond happy, beyond any earthly description. That connection of love within, left me in a state of total completeness, total contentment of being my own self which lies there, endlessly beautifully and blissfully, within the layers of silence something was happening, changing, it was the “self” revealing itself in its’ truest nature.