A beautiful butterfly landed on my pillow. It was white with a black spot shaped as a half-moon on each wing. The butterfly kissed me and woke me up. I felt a pain. A terrible pain in my heart and my soul. The pain that I had never experienced before.
“Cuddle Mija and Joda, cuddle my dear daughters.”
Those were the last words of my dear Daddy. My Mom was cuddling my Daddy on his cheek. He died in my Mom’s arms saying these words and smiling to my Mom.
That same night, my daddy came to my pillow as a beautiful butterfly and kissed me for the last time.
*
I cried. I cried. I cried.
Sometimes I thought I would never stop crying. I could not believe that my father’s heart had stopped beating. My Daddy had a huge hearth, full of Loving Kindness for his family, for everyone he knew. Such a big heart cannot be gone forever just in a second.
*
It was 10 days that my father was gone. I felt him hugging me, once in a while. I felt his spirit still around. I felt him watching me, taking care of me. My daddy was still here.
I fell down on the bed. Completely exhausted. I hadn’t slept at all for days.
*
My friend Agnija from Latvia came to visit me. She knew how much my Daddy meant to me. She tried her best to comfort me, but it was impossible. She told me she had become a Peace Coach and suggested me to meditate, to start a self-development program on Peace Revolution website, and she promised me that I would feel better.
*
I tried to meditate. Tears just kept coming. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do anything. How am I going to live if my Daddy is not here anymore? Life became pointless. Why should I do anything in my life, why should I accomplish anything, if my Daddy would not be able to see it?
*
Two months after my Daddy was gone, I tried to meditate again. I could somehow manage it. I realized I felt better after meditation, although I could not prevent crying. I kept a journal of my meditation experiences on Peace Revolution website. I started looking forward to every day I would meditate and write a diary, because those became moments when I gave out my sorrow, when I cried, but somehow felt better afterwards.
*
I attended the Peace Revolution Fellowship in Thailand seven months after my father had died. It was organized by beautiful people with beautiful souls who worked for Peace Revolution. I was very much looking forward to meditate with our dear Teaching Monks from Dhammakaya Temple. I was very lucky and very happy to have a chance to talk to them about my Father’s soul. Being around them made me feel more peaceful, and I was very thankful for that peaceful feeling.
*
Meditation has become a part of my everyday life. My life is back in order. After so many months, I can finally sleep during the night. I’ve got back to my daily activities. I feel comfortable and peaceful.
A beautiful butterfly still visits me sometimes. I know my Daddy still watches me. I know we will meet again. This can’t be the end.
by Marija Sotirov
