Meditation is a true gift. A gift from yourself to your mind, body and soul. My life has improved in so many ways since I started making daily meditation a part of my life. I can truly say I have felt a shift, and I am so thankful for it. I was also recently able to get over a huge fear of mine through meditation. My number one fear, to be exact; my fear of snakes.
For as long as I can remember, I have been deathly terrified of snakes. Any time I have come close to one, whether at a zoo or in a display, I have walked away as fast as possible. Friends who own pets as snakes? I won’t even go into their homes. If I come across a picture or video of a snake on social media, I exit the app and lock my screen. I do NOT play around when it comes to snakes.
Two giant serpents
My spiritual journey has been a wild one, and this experience is no exception. All my life I have been into exploring and experimenting, and this is true to the day. I regularly practice meditation. During one of the sessions, I was forced to conquer my fear.
I have yet to break through, as I still have some energy imbalances in my body. However, I have steadily been ridding myself of what no longer serves my highest self, through meditation. Before this experience, it wasn’t until after the fact that I was able to see how much meditation was helping me. After 5 months of daily meditation, I was able to feel the energy being balanced within me, I was able to feel the change as it happened. This had never been the case before, and it was a very special experience. If you have recently started meditating, or have been planning on starting, I strongly encourage you to make it a daily practice. You will benefit from it more than you can begin to imagine!
On this specific night, I started my meditation as normal. Now, since my base chakra was imbalanced, I wasn’t able to move the feeling of pulsing past my hips. The base chakra’s associated feelings are safety, grounding, and security, among others. It really makes perfect sense how things played out.
Once I reached the hips on my initial round of energy flow, I tried really hard to feel the pulsing. I started to envision my body from feet to hips in a bright, piercing light. An indestructible light that could cut through anything, because I wanted so badly to move forward past my hips, all the way to my pineal gland.
As I started to envision this light, two giant serpents started coming towards me from the other side of my feet. Instinctively, I started fighting them off. I used the light from my body to block them, I threw it straight at them as hard as I possibly could. It didn’t do much, they just kept on slithering towards me. I kept throwing my light and energy at them, eventually using everything within me just to keep them away. I was screaming and gasping for air, throwing my anger straight at them. It didn’t matter, they wouldn’t give up, they just kept on coming. At this point, I was screaming my lungs out, throwing my rage at the serpents, just about ready to give out and cry.
What if I surrender?
I stopped and thought for a second, “what if my surrender is the answer?” I’ve learned to recognize the signs from my higher self, and have learned to feel every emotion and every thought that appears. So I let myself hear this question, but I pushed it away as soon as it was said. There was just no way I could surrender. This would mean death, I couldn’t even process the whole thought. To let these giant serpents slither all over me? To let them free? I wouldn’t stand a chance, I wouldn’t survive.
But the feeling wouldn’t budge. I knew my surrender was the answer, but in my fear it wasn’t even an option to me. For a second, I decided to trust in myself and let the serpents plop on me. More like half a second, it was just too much to handle. I started fighting them off again, my energy becoming less and less. All of a sudden, a story I read in the past came to mind. I was still holding the serpents off, but at the same time remembered this – my preferred story of Medusa. It says that Medusa’s snakes were a gift to her, to protect her against those who tortured, raped, and abused her. Being a victim of childhood abuse, this story has been the one I associate her with.
Remembering this, I started to question myself. “Am I wrong for being afraid? Could snakes be my protectors?” I’ve come to unlearn a lot of my previous ways of thinking in my journey, so it wasn’t that crazy of a question to me. I had already had some harsh truths thrown in my face up to this point, so I was seriously questioning myself.
I decided to go for it again, to stop fighting and let the serpents plop on top of my thighs, but I immediately regretted my decision. As soon as I felt them touch me, I resumed the battle, there was just no way I could surrender.
I’m afraid of my own imagination
I hadn’t been fighting them for long again, when another image came to mind. The Kundalini Serpent. This which signifies the source of our energy, the universal energy that lies within each and every one of us. At this point I realized, to move forward I would have to surrender.
Processing this thought, realizing that I would do whatever it took to move forward, brought me to another realization; I’m afraid of my own imagination. I’ve never had a negative experience with a snake, or one at all really. I’ve only ever seen them in pictures, or in displays for seconds at a time. I’m not afraid of actual, real snakes coming towards me, but of an image inside my brain. I’m afraid of a possibility. So afraid, that I am willing to use every ounce within me to fight them off. Imaginary snakes.
Once I realized this, I smiled and even almost laughed at myself. How silly of me to be afraid of an imaginary serpent. So I let them free, and let them do as they pleased. They came straight at me, devouring me, suffocating me over and over again. All meanwhile, I simply sat amongst the chaos. So many different scenarios were coming at me from every direction possible, but all I did was sit. I felt as if I was flinching every time they came at me, so I tried my hardest to stay as still as possible. I let it go on and on and on. As uncomfortable as I felt, I realized that I could literally do this all day. Every second of every day, and without fear, I could survive this.
As soon as I realized this, the serpents started to change course. The two giant snakes started slithering all over my body, traveling around and around. The two merged into one, and back apart. Then, the two serpents were no longer, and instead a thick band of small, thin snakes started to wrap all around my body. I felt them move from the feet upwards. Once they finished wrapping around my legs, I started to feel a buzzing pulse throughout my hips, stomach, and heart all at the same time. I smiled. I was so happy, I never could have imagined experiencing anything like this.
That night, I overcame my fear of snakes. What happened after this is that these two giant serpents became my motivators, they became my reason to do. When I start to fall short, when I start to hold back out of fear, these serpents return. I no longer fight them, I know to let them be free. I let them have their way with me, and when they’re finished, I go full throttle. Whatever it is I was holding back on, whatever wasn’t receiving my full attention, gets done quickly and it gets done well. I no longer have fear, and I no longer have any reason to hold back.
Photo by Chris Ensey on Unsplash